I recently received some harsh feedback from someone I have been supporting for quite some time now. Like anything when you step out and stand up and start to shine your gifts upon the world with all good intentions; there is always going to be someone or something that comes to test you, to make you stronger, to try and pull you down. It goes with the package; regardless of what you do.
Hence why most of us just stay small & play small. Unnoticed and in the shadows. Its way easier, we cannot get hurt.
My initial response was to start bauling my eyes out. I could easily take this feedback personally & go into victim mode. Don't get me wrong, yes this hurts me, it hurts my heart - that I wish to only empower others to find their own answers, and stop seeking it outside. But no, I know this person is here to teach me & make me stronger & step further into truth. And for them to learn & step further into their own power.
Even with all the good intentions with our work & gifts we deliver, we cannot please everybody. And everybody is still learning - both student & teacher.
I am happy to admit that I am still in that awkward soul growth phase ~ I am still learning so much, and I always will be; just like you. I still have my demons I am battling, I am still sometimes re-visiting my eating disorder, I still get incredibly sad & raging angry, I still judge, I still find it hard to open up my heart, I still get kicks out of getting praise & recognition from others, I still sometimes manipulate others for my own benefits, I still get jealous ~ yes I am a human, and yes I still have darkness within me. And yes, I am learning to love all these parts of me, so it doesn't manifest as unconscious behaviour, also known ass h a d o w.
The common theme I notice is that often people come to me, not only on my retreats but as clients and expect me to fix them. I feel them giving their power over to me; and to be honest I do not need this nor want this to keep happening. A real teacher does not dis-empower their students by leading them into a false sense of illusion by making out they can magically fix them. What this does is puts the student/client in a position whereby they are completely dis-empowered; because they think that someone or something outside of them can magically fix them. This is a sure way to completely dis-empower yourself - by thinking that you cannot do this yourself. Whether it be by going to a retreat, or seeing a healer, or getting some coaching.
People hold an expectation on teachers/healers that ~ "well I paid you the money, here now fix me, give me all the answers to my problems, right now".
When I first started looking for answers & healing I went to retreat after retreat, healer after healer, spiritual teacher after teacher and had this huge expectation of them to yes basically fix me. I put them all on pedestals & saw them as a immortal super beings... nothing they could do was wrong. Little did I realise I was completely handing over all my power to these people & therefore ending up even more lost & confused. Part of my healing and personal empowerment is REALISING THIS.
And this has led me to begin to look for the answers within myself. A frightening experience, to be totally responsible for me & my healing ~ but completely empowering at the same time! And as we all know it is our power we fear so much. As that is where we are challenged to stand up & tall & stop following the pack & risk losing it all.
So now I can weed out the teachers who are in it to manipulate, abuse their own power & keep you comin' back for more.... Because if you think you need them for your sanity or healing, well if they are operating from abuse of power (shadow) ~ they can easily play on your fears & lack of power ~ to get more dollars in their pocket, to feed their own shadow of feeling needed & wanted ... This is classic abuse of power & it is happening, yes even in 'spiritual circles'. It is not all white fluffy light ~ darkness also operates in spiritual circles to redirect the energy into the darkness - to keep people dis-empowered.
I say this to not scare you, but to support you. I say this from my heart with all best intentions to empower you.
Hence, why I try to enforce this upon all those who come in my realm. To reflect back to them their own power, they do not NEED ME, I am simply here to remind them of something whatever that is at that exact moment what they need to further empower themselves and come back further into their own hearts. I stand as the Goddess to reflect back to you your Goddess, as the teacher to reflect back to you your teacher, as the beauty to reflect back to you your beauty.
A REAL TEACHER ~ inspires their students, empowers their students ~ to find the answers/the healing/the light within themselves. People, like me - who hold space for others is not making us any superior to you, or more highly evolved ~ we, are human beings just like you, no better no worse ~ we simply fall into these roles, normally from our own journey with our own healing. We have learnt something along our journey, we have often gone through some hardships overcome obstacles, faced our fears, found our light, come closer into our hearts & are here to INSPIRE & MOTIVATE you to do the same.
Always remember - healers/teachers are still on their own journey, still facing so much of their own stuff ~ so we are not perfect. Please know this for whomever you come across ~ do not put spiritual teachers/healers on pedestals. Simply see them as mirrors for what you already know & whatever message you take from them whether good or bad is all perfect in leading you closer to your own empowerment & closer to your heart.