Tantra Basics ~ The Difference Between the Immature & Mature Masculine & Feminine

Today’s post is inspired by a few conversations I have had over the past week with both men and women regarding relating with the opposite sex, and the energies that we see play out in this context, which flows into how we live our daily lives & what might be holding us back from really living to our true potential.

Today I want to bring awareness to our internal masculine & feminine energies.

These energies are what I have come to learn from my work with Tantra & Sacred Sexuality paths, as the journey towards ‘wholeness’ & self love; i.e. towards truth of who we really are.

So let me break it down - we are either a man or a woman, right.

However for years there has been this separation between genders, gender-specific roles (from family dynamics to occupations); however what we are now being made aware of is that we are in fact not ‘separate’ and we are a lot more similar than we think. Yes there are physical differences, between the genders; but energetically – we are not either a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’ we in fact embody both these energies.

Let me tell you why it is so important to understand this….

In relationships } many woman yearn for their knight in shining armor, she yearns for the qualities that we identify with the ‘masculine’ energy such as – strength, direction, purpose, mission, presence. Same with the man, he might yearn for what he thinks he lacks or cannot express freely, his feminine qualities of softness, vulnerability, surrender.

Little do we realise, we actually have these qualities within us. So lesson #1, once we realise this ~ we do not need to seek outside of us when it comes to relationships to fill a void within. Because in this scenario we are coming from a ‘needy’ place not a place of ‘wholeness’ and ‘sharing’. This scenario creates ‘co-dependency’ so we will feel as if we cannot live without our man around because oh but he does all the ‘manly’ things I cannot do for myself; and I need him to feel powerful and on my mission. This also goes the other way man seeking out a woman to fill the parts within him that he cannot seem to express himself – his softness, his emotions, his surrender and trust. Again co-dependency = recipe for disaster.

Lesson 2 within these masculine and feminine qualities within us ~ we also have the immature and mature version of both.

Below is a list of what qualities are embodied by all four, as sourced from "Relationship Tantra" by Andrew Barnes (published by Awakening Within Foundation):

Immature Masculine ­– Competitive, Separation, Ego-centric, Self serving, Boisterous, Arrogant, Emotionally detached, motivated by self serving interests, insecure, identifies with material possessions.

Mature Masculine Present, Man on a mission, Heart centered, focused, determined, Seeks collaboration & community, motivation for mission is for the highest good of humanity, emotionally intelligent.

Immature Feminine Bitchy, Gossipy, Jealous of other women, Needs validation from external sources, low self worth, ego-centric, seductive – uses sexuality to manipulate others and get attention.

Mature Feminine Present, nurturing, empowering of other women, surrendered and fluid, emotionally intelligent, self fulfilled and oozing self-love, sensual, confident in sexual energy, motivated by heart & what will be of benefit to others, whole.

So as you can see – either a man or a woman can be operating out of either energy. I know many older women who are still operating in the immature masculine & feminine energies – I also know many men who are operating from the immature feminine & masculine energies. And vise versa.

Here is a practical example just say you are a man and you are running your business purely out of the intention to ‘make money, get famous, gain power, and destroy the competition or anyone who gets in your way’ – this is pure immature masculine playing out at its best. If he were however running a business out of his heart space, and the motivation was how he can use his unique talents to benefit the greater good of himself and humanity as a whole – this is mature masculine energy playing out.

Unfortunately most of our society is run by this immature masculine energy – and this I believe is why the rise of the divine feminine is taking place. To change the way we do business & live our lives based out of love not fear, and for the higher purpose of humanity. So we are all are getting more in touch with their ‘mature feminine and masculine’. But there first needs to be a shift in focus and motivation for why we are doing what we are doing – for years it has been all about the only goal is self serving & competition is fierce – IMMATURE MASCULINE.  Motivation has been power, fear, greed. Complete detachment from the heart. And where is it getting us? Detached from the heart, living fear based lives, depressed, obese, divorced and miserable.

This awareness is shifting global consciousness!  It all starts with awareness within ourselves. I like this form of understanding ourselves using the polarities of the masculine and feminine, because it relates directly to us and how we relate to each other and therefore how we express ourselves in our daily lives.

By no means am I saying one is right or wrong. And I am also quite aware of my own slip between immature and mature – but it is just good to be aware first and foremost of where our intentions are and what is motivating us. And from this we can inquire – okay is this my truth? Is this really what feels right? Is this action based upon love or fear? From this place we can simply witness & accept where we are at, first; and then move towards the decisions that love supports – which ultimately is the mature. The immature is all run by fear.

Download the Balancing your Inner Masculine & Feminine Guided Meditation > click here.


To support the inner marriage of masculine & feminine. To cultivate balance & harmony; So we can base our external relationships on co-creation, rather than co-dependency. So we can end the search externally to make ourselves feel ‘complete’ & begin to live as whole integrated beings.

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