This is something so many people wonder/seek to be?
What makes a great lover?
To me, the somewhat complex answer lies in what makes us a human?
My best ability to understand this is, exploring what is our capacity to love. To give and receive unconditional love.
What is our capacity to show up in the bedroom; and in life, in full vulnerability.
What is our capacity to show up with something REAL.
What is our capacity to surrender to another, in all our fears, insecurities, pain, pleasure, desire, expression and truth.
The answer to this question does not lie in a set of step by step techniques, rather; to look deep inside and offer what is there to another.
Showing up with what is TRULY going on. Whether its delightful, or disgusting. Bringing that to the bedroom and offering that as a prayer for your bodies to express together as they dance; in sublime love making.
I have had lovers in the past who have had years of ‘experience’ and ‘training’ in ‘tantric lovemaking’ – but this does not change the fact of the root cause, the root of tantric lovemaking does not lay in physical techniques. It lays in the ability to touch my soul, to crack open my heart.
I even teach couples and individuals how to love make tantrically. In my approach, it does not start at techniques, that is for sure. It begins with the inner self-reflection, what is beneath this desire to satisfy and master our sexuality? The answers lie in looking deeper into ourselves; we are yearning to become a lover with self and spirit; to reach a place of full acceptance & ease in our being. If the inner work is not done, these techniques are just a band aide and the cracks will begin to reveal themselves eventually.
This comes naturally for some souls. For others the layers are thicker, and one must sludge through them in order to bring something real to the bedroom, to life.
So the answer lies in the ability to surrender, to die to who we think we are; and show up with something of more depth, and substance.
This is a path of radical bravery…..
When you love somebody, you have to become nobody. If you remain somebody, then love never happens. Two nothingness, not two persons. Ego must be left aside, ideas of who we are must be left aside.
This is the REAL work of Tantra.
Physically knowing techniques and being able to get each other off, or have multiple orgasms, is great; but it is not what we are deeply yearning for. We are deeply being yearned for our hearts to be penetrated. We are deeply yearning to be met, to be embraced for our light AND our darkness, to be loved & held through the chaos of a tortured soul & the soul shattering moments, we yearn to feel safe in the arms of our partner. It is only once this is done, that truly we open our bodies, our souls, and surrender.
This is the deepest longing of human BEING, regardless of gender. The knowing that resides in us all as HUMAN BEINGS. Not defined or confined by gender. We are all deeply longing this, to connect to God/Source/Spirit. To love another human being, to truly love; is the closest we can get to God/Source/Spirit; as a human being, having a human experience.
From this, love making is an expression of two souls showing up REAL with everything. Insecurities, fears, love, joy, bliss, ecstasy, rage, chaos; NOTHING IS EXCLUDED, everything is EMBRACED.
Making love, is loving all parts of one another. Letting your bodies express, explore, and dance in that love.
When two lovers are making love & if they are both no self, then orgasm happens. Then your body, energy, your whole being loses all identity - you are no more your self, you have fallen into the absence.
The absolute best love making my partner and I have, is when we have expressed our deepest longings; and our deepest insecurities. Fully letting it all be seen and heard, to be loved. When we feel safe, through being witnessed and embraced in our darkest of places; and our deepest of yearnings; we open up a greater container of depth for our bodies to explore in.
We let each other be penetrated on a deeper level, than just physical.
Words do it no justice the feeling is beyond comprehension.
The ecstasy of orgasm is deeper, as a result.
The love is deeper, as a result.
There is absolutely no goal. Love seeks no goals, only to fulfill itself.
We are all yearning for something REAL. But in order to get that, we must be prepared to show up with something REAL. Looking deep within, is where it all begins.