The greatest & most exciting adventure is not what you often think...

A friend recently asked me 'Nadine do you ever get fearful about where you are going next?'

I really stopped and thought about my life & how I have lived for much of it. Risk taking, so easily able to pack up my entire life & start again somewhere new. Not knowing anyone, or anything familiar.... Adapting wherever I am & able to create community & deep connections wherever I am...

And then so easily able to destroy it all and start again....

Some peoples greatest fear....

Investing so much time and energy into something, that you truly want and love, only to then realise it can so easily be taken away ...

I remember watching a documentary on Buddhist Monks, they spend weeks creating a beautiful piece of art out of different colours of sand.. So much time and energy and attention goes into this, the entire monastery of monks are involved in this process ... and then after they create the beautiful piece of art.... THEY DESTROY IT. Simply like that. They are learning non attachment, everything is transient, everything that holds beauty also holds destruction, this too shall pass... Be present to every moment of the creation unfolding, and then be okay when/if it decides to crumble....

I hold absolutely no fear around being 'home-free', no idea about where I am going to live or be next month, following intuition & trusting that I am always supported. This has always been the case for me, my whole life movement has somewhat become my safety. The unknown, provides stability in some way. Newness, movement and change is what I seem to thrive upon.

And I am ALWAYS looked after and abundance is a plenty... beautiful homes for me to rest in, and good people around me... I really feel so so blessed.

Adventure!

I feel quite proud of myself for holding this ability, which many seem to fear so deeply. Leaving comfort and safety? How can I do that? Where would I begin? What if it all fails?

But like all hero's journeys, there is the symbolic of the outer that is a mere reflection of the inner.

I have recently found myself again leaving my comfort, community, relationship... everything that I had 'created' and 'invested time in building' - GONE. My heart is breaking every day....

Commitment phobia = if we actually invest time in something we really care about then it fails... Is so much more painful than living on the surface dabbling toes in this or that....

Was this the greatest adventure I actually have ever been on? One where I actually had to show up in community and build longer term relationships, commit to my business in a more grounded way, create attachments & really risk heart break? YES, yes it was.

This particular adventure took me INSIDE myself more than OUTSIDE in the external adventure in a sense. It forced me deep inside some of my deepest pains, around commitment, community, love, being seen, being a part of a broader 'family' in a sense.... My deepest pain ... for it was here, where the REAL risk was for me... risking opening my heart to another ... to a community ... to HUMAN LOVE.

And you know what... I got hurt. REALLY hurt.

I lost everything in a sense. But in that process learning I have gained it all. For a life without risk and love is not the same. I now have learnt my lesson, faced my greatest fear.... FELT my greatest fear manifest.... How can I fear anything ever again??

We have to go so deep into the fear to come out, to enter love. This is the irony.

Part of this was self sabotage & a rampant ego wanting to destroy everything in this process... but that is okay. It happened. I took the risk, I got so hurt, I gave my best, I got my heart broken, I feel I lost everything I worked so hard for, and everything I feared the most, yet wanted the most. For me the external adventure is always appealing & I will ALWAYS love to travel & see things...BUT the real adventure for me was not outside , and it actually never is... It is just a symbol, for what is happening inside.... Escape... Freedom....

The mind conspires in such interesting ways.

Escape, Freedom, is only a symbol of what is happening inside. There is no where to run to ... the same demon will continue to follow you until you face your demon, (your fears) fully with everything you have got, and risk it all..... HUMBLE yourself to getting destroyed by that demon in the process....

For the demon of fear just wants to be acknowledged, seen, embraced & loved - then we can live the life that is waiting for us, not the life we have 'planned'.

Here I find myself yet again humbling to absolutely no idea next. I have metophorically destroyed everything I had created, and am literally siting in a void. In the hinterland of the Byron Bay hills, gestating for the next 'adventure' to unfold...

I have absolutely no clue where to next, but bliss and love is the only things that are important to me right now. So when we have that as our only guide, our heart.... we cannot go wrong. Absolute faith above all in a greater plan, that often doesn't look the way we think it will.... This is the humbling and crumbling.... each time crumbling pieces of the soul that are put back together in love.