5 Simple tips to having Tantric Sex

We are all born Tantric lovers, because we are all born as divine, loving pure presence.

So many people think that Tantric Sex consists of marathon 6+ hour love making sessions, and often get put off by this simple fact. In a world that is so time poor, with all our other commitments, most people cannot even find time to make their own meals, let alone prioritize their love making sessions.

Most people think Tantra is all about sex. Yes sexuality is a part of Tantra, because Tantra is Love; Tantra is Life. So sexuality obviously falls under this broad category. Tantra is love. Tantra is connection, presence and conscious relating to ones self and to another. Tantra combines spirituality and sexuality as a platform to deepen into self-understanding and empowerment.

Living a Tantric life unveils gateways to balancing and integrating our masculine and feminine energies, in order to feel whole again. To feel connected to our truth and infused with copious amounts of love and acceptance. A Tantric life allows one to see the divine and sacred in every living being and experience.

Bringing Tantra into your life means inviting in more love and presence. And yes, this includes your sex life as well.

I have come up with 5 simple tips to having Tantric Sex. Which do not involve, gurus, kama sutra poses, or allocating hours and hours.

Firstly, what exactly is Tantric Sex?

Tantra embodies sex as a spiritual practice, thus we view sexuality as a sacred act. By spiritual practice, I am referring to any practice that brings you back to the true nature of who you are. Beyond your masks, your gender, race, religion, roles in society, etc. Sexuality, when explored in this light, is often an avenue for this; as the peak orgasm is seen as a glimpse of enlightenment; because during this experience we become fully present in the moment, dissolve our ego, small self for just one brief moment and experience what the ancient yogi’s and tantriks speak of as ‘moksha’, ‘nirvana’, and ‘enlightenment’.

1. Prioritize Sex

The first step is of course making sex a priority in your relationship. Regardless of what is going on externally, there should ALWAYS be time for sex. If you feel as though there just isn't enough time, or I am too tired after I have come home from work, fed the kids, washed the dishes, ironed my work clothes, {insert excuses} .... really take a look at what exactly you are prioritizing in your life, where are you spending all your energy during the day? Can you outsource any of them? If you really value your relationship & sex life there are always solutions you will make your love making sessions a priority even if it means you need to, hire a cleaner, or a babysitter for a night. Look at your life... what are just plain avoidance tasks, and tasks you actually don't want to be doing? Really be honest with yourself, the things you do that do not make you feel an orgasmic yes in your entire body, ditch them. Why waste your life doing things out of obligation?

2. Create a Sacred Sex Space

This is so important. Your sacred love making space can either be in your boudoir, or another room in the house, like your own little temple space. Set the clear intention that happens in this space is love making, and sacred intimacy. It doesn't have to be anything fancy (although I personally love making my space so lush), just as long as the space has no distractions, definitely no technology in there. Integrate, comfortable cushions, a comfortable mattress on the floor, an altar is a good idea also. You can place item on your altar that are meaningful to you and your relationship, perhaps photos, crystals, nature, candles, incense, cleansing items such as palo santo & sage, etc.

3. Set intentions

Before you connect with your partner, sit before one another, hold hands, meditate for a while, and set an intention for what you wish to explore together during your connecting. Have no attachment to how that looks either. For example, if one person says they wish to explore their vulnerability, this may end up not even ending in sexual penetration, you may simply just explore holding one another & sharing from your heart what is present for you. This is a vital aspect of Sacred Sexuality - presence. In presence, we have no attachment to any future outcomes, or goals; so we allow life to unfold as it so wishes to; with no force or expectations. It is just important to be completely honest with one another through setting clear intentions for your relating. Offer your intentions to a higher power, for guidance and support.

4. Learn Tantric Massage

Before engaging in penetration, explore one another. Tantra massage is one of the more recognized aspects of Tantric Sexuality, in particular lingam and yoni massage. It is such a beautiful practice to share between you and your partner as it opens up energy pathways between the two of you; as well as providing space to honor and nurture one another’s bodies as the sacred vessel. This is created through conscious touch and mindfulness. It also allows for the two of you to explore each other’s bodies; set clear boundaries; open up a dialogue for clear communication, and celebrate the sensual pleasures of being in your body. The key aspect of giving and receiving Tantra massage is being 100% present. So it is important to set aside a solid time that is uninterrupted so you can really drop into presence and not have to worry about anything.

5. Let go of expectations and agenda.

The golden rule is to never have an end goal in mind. Goal-oriented sex; to reach a peak in orgasm, will leave you both disappointed and disconnected from one another in the present moment. Much like in life, when you have expectations you often miss what is actually in front of you and REAL. Commit to the authentic deepening of your bond, rather than reaching a climax. And then once you make this mental shift, the climax will occur naturally, unexpectedly and even more intense. Some of the most profound sex I have had is when my partner was just resting inside me, not moving and looking into each others eyes. The energy running is intense & the level of intimacy is profoundly deep and nurturing.

If you wish to learn more about Sacred Sexuality Practices & Tantra, please head over to the Shakti Shop and get yourself a copy of my latest eBook Sacred Sex A Journey into the Divine.

Photography by Sacred Union Photography