I wanted to share some insights into intimacy and desire. These two go hand in hand I feel. When we are looking at sexuality it is interesting to see what desires come up on a superficial level (our ego), and then go deeper into what our core desires are (of our soul).
My personal journey with this one has always led me deeper into what is really going on at a soul level, and hence why I now support others through this portal to the divine; via our sexuality. I have always longed for sexual union my partners, even when not in relationship; yearning to be close and intimate with someone. I judged myself to the core for these desires; "oh I am such a slut, I love sexuality so much". Is what I would beat myself up with. It then got to the point I tried to cut myself off from it and become celibate; which exacerbated the desires even more; and started to implode into sexual shadow. Now I am in a place where I have learnt to be kind to myself and allow myself to follow my desires, the intense energies that move me... sure on a superficial level it is sex, closeness with another; but deeper I yearn for connection, intimacy, with another... essentially with myself.
To see my reflection in another; to see what I am not, to realise more of what I am. That has always been my path and relationship with sexuality. Sexuality is part of my spiritual practice; because my spiritual practice is LIVING, and sexuality just happens to be one aspect that offers an intense accelerated way to see myself in the reflection of a beloved.
Of course I don't just fuck anyone when I feel antsy, it is always a desire that is leading me from my heart first, then my sex centre. I follow my intuition I can tell pretty quickly who honors the divine feminine, men who are present, and view sexuality as sacred as I do, and thus I only allow these sacred masculine energies into my temple.
Desires are completely embraced in Tantra. Our desires are what drive us all really. Our base level desires are around food, shelter, survival, then as we evolve our desires are around pleasure, power, to express ourselves and finally spiritual attainment. Whatever level of consciousness we are operating out of our desires are so powerful they create our realities. Whether it be to get that well paying job, buy a big mansion, accumulate wealth and fame or to become enlightened in a Buddhist monastery. However the main thread in all our desires is to become happy; we are ultimately seeking union, connection to the divine. And whatever path leads us to that place of feeling ‘whole’ – which is when we are truly happy; is okay. We are all on different paths, and stages of our souls evolution.
Sexual desires are interesting. What I see so much in my Embodiment Coaching practice is seekers coming in with many physical requests to learn the techniques to ‘become a better lover’, ‘master full body orgasm’, ‘orgasm without ejaculation’. But as we journey together in sessions, first there is a aspect of looking at these desires, and fully embracing them, then going deeper. Some (men usually) come with the coy embarrassment of coming to see me for sessions as if they are doing something so naughty (even simply having a conversation around their sexuality) and this is all a part of expressing their sexual desires in a ‘safe and loving container’.
I allow my clients to fully express their desires to speak into them, to voice them and be seen and not judged for them.
I have seen it all; and I embrace it all.
Because once we get beyond the ‘taboo’ we can free that energy up and really get to the core of what we are desiring – which is most always – intimacy, connection, love. We go all sorts of extreme measures and walk many paths in life to seek this and really it has always, and will always reside within us.
True intimacy. Into-me-I-see. Is seeing yourself and the other as a reflection of the divine. Seeing yourself in another. Sitting in front of someone or offering a simple loving touch, that has the ability to alter your entire reality and bring you to a place of stillness and bliss.A glimpse a feeling of wholeness and at one, at peace with yourself and the entire cosmos.
This is the true intimacy we are seeking from our relationships, but we cannot get there until we have cultivated this intimate relationship with ourselves.
How can we make love to someone, really make love to them if we have not yet made love to ourselves? How can we ever love someone if we cannot love ourselves? How can we look at someone in the eyes and really see them, if we cannot even look at ourselves in the eyes and see us. Big questions, that are very worthwhile asking.
Excerpt from my upcoming book 'Sacred Sex - A journey into the divine'; available at the Shakti Shop.