The difference between the unhealthy seductress & the empowered sensual woman.


This is something that I have only really explored with in the past year or so on this journey of self exploration.

For most of my life, I had absolutely no idea how to 'flirt'. 'Seducing' was not a natural thing for me. Something always felt wrong, forced or manipulative. I now look back and it seemed like an abuse of the feminine power. So I had this strange relationship with how to 'be sexy/sensual' yet not 'lead men on' or give them the wrong idea. So naturally, like many women, I began to shut this part of myself down.

Now we are in this rise of the feminine movement, in which there is almost a huge pendulum swing of over sexualization, for all the repression we have faced in the years gone. Which is completely natural and healthy for the balance to restore.

But we have to ask the question, what is the difference between the unhealthy seductress and the empowered sensual feminine energy?

This is completely based upon my own observation and truth, and I encourage you to inquire into your own.

To me when I see someone in 'seduction mode' it is displaying a 'taking energy'. There is no giving at all in the process, there is ulterior motive, and manipulation to get a need met as the intention. This is abuse of the feminine power at its finest. There is almost a self righteousness, of entitlement from the masculine, based upon a deep resentment towards the male species. This is completely coming from a place of fear. Inside is a scared little girl, that is crying out for attention, and seeking love, attention and validation through her new found gifts of her sexual power. This is almost a predator energy, whereby woman is just playing with men for entertainment to get a 'fix' for her self worth and validation.

Let me assure you also. This is not only displayed in female identified bodied beings, it is also in male bodied beings also. As we are talking ENERGY here, which is interchangeable. In fact, many men are master seductresses.

This is the shadow side of the feminine. It is what has been ruling our society for many centuries, since we lost our connection to our true feminine powers. And you know what, it is okay. This has to run its course, in order to restore the balance. If you fall into this category, (we all are guilty, even myself, for abusing our powers at some stage ), it is time to just completely forgive thyself. We are not to blame, we have hardly had healthy role models of the healthy feminine sexuality, up until this point; so we are kind of 'winging it' and figuring it out however our journeys are showing us examples.

For me, I have sought out a few beautiful elder women as mentors and examples of this 'healthy feminine sensuality' that I have been either working with or simply friends with, or following their example as a reflection. As well as really connecting to my inner wise woman archetype.

For me, this healthy feminine empowered sexuality, basically looks like the opposite of the above. Below is almost a Divine Feminine Manifesto I like to read to myself upon meditating on my womb, or before I go to sleep, whenever I feel called:

This woman, is contained in her sexual energy. She is completely aware of her sensual delights, yet uses it to bring joy and love, upon all those who enter her realm. She is the Queen of her Temple, whom shares her hearts gifts, with no expectation or conditions. She is pulsing with radiant life force energy but it comes across as sensual rather than sexual. Here is the key difference. It is like a subtle energy, that is incredibly powerful. She is not trying to be anyone else or prove anyone anything, she simply is herself and accepts her self exactly as she is, her body shape, who she is, her natural gifts & abilities and is deeply self aware & oozes confidence from within. She feels safe and secure in her self, and knows that she can look after herself; on all aspects of her being - financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually. She trusts in existence completely, and can easily surrender to life in all its expressions. She does not fall for external definitions of beauty. She sources all she needs from within. She is tapped into her feminine power, all embracing of her sexuality, integrated & embodies all archetypes of the feminine. She knows her source of power lies within her feminine body, in her heart & soul. She embraces & adores her womanly curves, she is deeply connected to her womb & unwavering trusts the mysteries of her intuition.

When we tap into our natural state of being, that being bliss. We naturally radiate that out. This is, in my eyes the ultimate version of 'sexy' whether it pulsating through man or woman.

So how does one tap into this?

  • Do more of what brings you joy.
  • Surround yourself with those who truly see you, (all of you) not just reaffirm a lack of self worth, or cater to your ego/personality.
  • Chose in each moment to surrender, to existence, to every single experience being shown to you in your reality.
  • Accept yourself exactly as you are right now.
  • Come into the body, tap into the body wisdom. Dance, play, shake, breathe. Let your body speak to you.
  • Meditate upon your womb/yoni - you can start by implementing the Sacred Feminine Womb Healing practice into your daily rituals. Available Here.
  • Find healthy feminine mentors, my favourite at the moment is the Tantra Queen Margot Anand.
  • Meditate upon where you may feel unsafe, around expressing yourself sexually, and in general.
  • Meditate upon your relationship with the masculine, your father, men in general. Learn to Love the Masculine.

Want to explore this deeper? I am taking on the next round of clients for 1:1 Tantra Expression Sessions via Skype Coaching & Tantra Embodiment Coaching in person for the next few months. Click here to explore more.