I have always longed for my 'home'.
That sense of belonging, that sense of being fully accepted for who I am, that feeling of connectedness and open heart.
Deep down, we all do. Whether we have the vulnerability to admit it or not. We all just want to be loved and accepted for who we truly are.
For most of my 27 years on this earth I searched externally. I put pressure & expectations on my own family to provide this for me. After my unrealistic expectations being constantly not met, I always felt hurt, misunderstood & alone. I couldn't find what I wanted there, so the search started outside of the family concept of 'home'.
I travelled far & wide across the world, I sought it in boyfriends, in friends, I lived in share houses, I moved cities & countries, I joined like minded communities, I dwelled in ashrams, all searching for one thing. My home.
I have come to this space in my life where, externally my little tranquil forest cabin FINALLY feels like HOME. I finally feel as though, I finally found it. For the past year I have lived here in the Byron Bay hinterland in a studio cabin, nestled in the rainforest, with the birds, snakes, cows, bunnies & a magical black cat as my housemates. It has been my 'red-tent phase'. I feel so much peace whenever I am here. It is my sanctuary, my temple. It is where I can be whoever I want to be, I can cry as loud as I want, I can scream, yell, dance naked in the living room, with only nature as my witness.
Now I come to a point where spirit has given me guidance to move on from this space. From this I have felt a deep sense of heart break, is the best way to describe it. I feel as though I have come so attached to this space I have created, a place of home. I feel as though for the first time in my life I feel at home. I feel as though I have fell in love. With myself. And to leave it, I have been through a sense of loss, anxiety & feelings of 'what if I never find this space (love) within myself again?'. The same feelings that occur when I have gone through painful relationship break ups. However, this time, no one else is involved. What I now have a deeper understanding of is this...
This external reality only reflects what I have connected to within me. I feel as though I have come home to my heart. I have come home to myself.
Now as I leave this space I feel with every cell in my being, one thing...
Home truly is where your heart is.
Even though my external projection of home truly reflects back to me peace, connection & unconditional love. These are all the things all along I, (and most of us) seeked so desperately, outside of ourselves.
So here I am living in the most peaceful place on earth, with this deep knowingness & connectedness to nature & I hear natures gifts so clearly speaking to me through my heart. It says, "This was here all along, & it will never go away, you just have to say YES, yes to your self, yes to committing to always choosing love." What we are searching for outside on a deep soul level, is and always has been there all along, within us. It is just a matter of opening our own hearts, to ourselves. Which can often be the hardest thing to do. Receiving that unconditional love from the most important person, our self. Feeling worthy & deserving of our own love.
As I sit here looking out my window into the dewy wet rainforest, I realise that this external home space has allowed me to come 'home' to myself. This precious jewel, I have now found within me deep within my heart & soul; can never be rocked, changed, or taken from me, no matter where I go in the world or what happens in my external reality. What I have cultivated here, coming home, a deeper understanding of who I am, a deeper loving of me - is a constant and this precious gift will never change. And it can never really be gained outside of us.
As long as we are committed to staying present to our hearts, we are always home.
So as I leave this space I feel this deep sense of gratitude for all its healing gifts. I now know deep within my heart, that my soul desires to go out and share what I have connected to with the world. I know that no matter where I am I can always close my eyes, take a deep breathe into my heart & I am instantly home.
This next phase of my life, is a huge step into the unknown. I have cracked open my heart & I am committed to allowing it to be my compass. I have a deep desire for exploring & travelling. My intention is to let my heart lead the way. So this is what I am committing to. Finally I am making the biggest commitment of my life. To myself.
Are you also sitting on the verge of stepping into the unknown? Is your heart yearning to be heard & be the compass of your life? Leave me a comment and tell me what you will take on board from this post to help you.
OR please feel free to book in a 15 minute complimentary chat with me & find out more about how my Coaching Program can support you move beyond your fears of stepping into the unknown & following your hearts desires.
Lots of love. x