Last week I spoke about healing the relationship with the masculine, this week I am exploring the healing of the feminine.
I speak from direct experience here, because with this stuff, you can't learn this in text books. In my humble opinion, it has to come from direct experience & embodiment. I am not attempting to quote any ancient scripts or ideologies, I speak directly from my heart & my truth. So here goes...
Last week, for the first time, during love making, I truly opened my heart.
I fell into the sweet surrender of the feminine energy, I opened my self completely, I allowed myself to be loved, I allowed myself to be seen fully eye to eye, soul to soul. I held nothing back. I allowed my pure light to dissolve any darkness that was present with myself and within my lover in the alchemical union between us. I allowed myself to love and see my lover for who he truly is. I allowed myself to accept and receive with no resistance, in complete surrender to the masculine power.
As the two energies (masculine & feminine) danced between each other, they gradually morphed into a nothingness. We were taken to a place beyond the mind, into the void...into complete presence, into the dissolution of all identification with masculine or feminine, and saw each other as simply two souls. Not identifying with neither masculine or feminine.
The healing power of this connection has integrated into my entire being & allowed me to see a deeper part of myself, and open up a wound that had yet needed healing, around my femininity. I finally experienced the art of surrender & receiving pleasure. Without guilt, shame or story.
Since then, I have literally felt tingling down the left side of my body (feminine side); as if my feminine Shakti power is awakening. I am saying yes to so much more, following my intuition & listening to my deep inner knowing on a whole new level. Things are literally coming to me... new opportunities, new clients, new awareness to my truth, new people supporting me on my path... all because I was cracked open to receive. I am in surrender.
In my experience, from sexual abuse, we often hold a lot of guilt around receiving pleasure. And this is also amongst women who haven't been sexually abused, as it seems to somewhat penetrate the collective feminine psyche, this deep seated guilt around embracing our sexuality. This also links in with last weeks post about loving the masculine, being I personally used to judge men as sex fiends, when in actual fact, I freaking love sex & always have, I just held a guilt around it; so I realised I was judging that masculine primal part of myself. Which many of us women fall into. So yet another opportunity for self love & acceptance & empowerment through owning this.
Healing & exploring my own sexuality has also led me to heal my relationship with my body. I now realise is the cause of the years of my own body abuse through eating disorders. I know sexuality & eating disorders go hand in hand. Not only do statistics prove this, but I from my own experience of both, a deep knowing feels this connection, and the key to ending this tortured relationship with food is through healing sexuality. Healing your sexuality, releasing the guilt & shame and bringing this often seen darkness into the light is where true self love & acceptance is actually going to occur. When this sexual guilt is released, surrender & acceptance of who you are and what you look like can finally occur. And the embrace of the womanly physique in its entirety is celebrated!
When we deny our sexuality, we deny pleasure, deny creativity, deny our life force Kundalini shakti to penetrate our hearts and crack us open to divine love, which allows us to truly live from our hearts. The key is healing through sexual energy. This force is powerful and it is what is going to take the human race to the next evolutionary awakening as we dissolve the polarities of masculine & feminine separation of genders; through healing our sexuality. The reason it has been kept in the dark for so long is because the Church's know how powerful we are when we tap into our sexuality, so they tried to literally dull us all down by creating a culture of taboo around sexuality...which has been penetrating our psyches since the last Age. The way to dis empower someone is to cut them off from their sexuality.
So how the hell do I heal my sexuality, some of you might be thinking?
Well for a start, by reading this article & sharing it & opening up the forum around sexuality, so we begin to create a culture that celebrates sexuality not shunning it in the darkness is the first step! I have opened up my self pretty raw and vulnerable in this article & I am completely comfortable with this message being spread, because I know the healing power of this powerful union.
Also, at the next Urban Goddess Retreat we will gently explore the this topic, as we weave the themes around the sacral chakra throughout the day - so unlocking blockages through Sacral Chakra Yoga, Guided Meditation, Goddess Circle & Work-shopping around opening the sacral chakra. A safe space for women to explore this crucial key to unlocking our true nature & fully stepping into our power & heart space.
Blessings to you all. Stay real, stay vulnerable & please help me shine the light upon the darkness. x