When relationships end ... you got to feel the pain, to let in the new.


I am currently dancing between eros & thanatos ~ some of my most cherished relationships/friendships have come to a sudden end ~ the pain in my heart burns & in my humanness I cannot help but feel abandoned & alone. The key wounds that rattle me to my core.

Here goes the dance between eros (coming together in love) and thanatos (separation). The two dualities that play out in all our human relationships. Most of us only want to experience the coming together & avoid or live in denial at all costs of the separation - which is of course inevitable - as we will always come to an end, in the ending of human life.

In reality - we must embrace the duality of the two eros & thanatos. Living in denial of one, only cuts us of from the truth, and when separation occurs, the pain is greater than anything we can bear. We cannot have eros without thanatos. This does not mean that all relationships must end in tragedy, but that coming together and pulling apart are two inseparable steps in a single dance. For those who want only the coming together, thanatos becomes extreme in his insistence. For those who honor the separation, the distancing, & estrangements as part of the flow & growth of relationships with self & other - love can be eternally renewed.

I am not only talking about romantic love, I am talking about divine love. The love that is shared between, friendships, strangers, siblings or between mother & child. If we get fixated on the idea of boy meets girl fantasy as the only portal of 'love' - we deny ourselves so much love that is readily available to us in every single moment in life.

I have had intense feelings of love for friends I have known for years, and friends I have only known for a few months. The capacity to go so deep is not limited by time, gender, location, age or any external forces. When a dear close friend recently said to me she loved me unconditionally - I felt this to the core of my being, a love that I have always thought was only meant to be felt between myself and a romantic partner. This was paradoxical in both beauty & pain; heart shattering, as it broke down an illusion I held around love only being experienced between romantic affairs.

But for me this past week I have come to thanatos (the separations) with three of my closest friends; which has rattled me to my core. On an intellectual level I am quite 'unattached' - and know in my spiritual sense that nothing is permanent, and everything must come to an end. But to actually experience this separation & pain is a whole other level. My humanness, my raw emotion is highlighted, my wounds, shadow, scars, and fears are all brought to the forefront. The core wounding around being abandoned; when I finally open myself to show my authenticity is all being triggered; and I am not going to pretend to be this 'together' 'transcended' perfect person, because I am having a human experience, and this stuff really, really hurts. To the point my heart is in agony & my breathing is constricted, and my stomach is in knots.

To feel such separation, in any sense takes us to the depths of our pain. It is where we are given the biggest opportunity to reach deep into our selves and tell the naked truth, and realise our vulnerabilities, our weaknesses, and see our raw open wounds around our hearts.

What scenarios are we continuously attracting to keep reiterating the core limiting belief that - I am un-lovable, I am always going to be abandoned. It is not until we truly feel the pain of any separation, from relationship, friendship, death, or any ending, and go into this pain & see this as our opportunity to connect to the love within. Our unlimited love of self; as all abandonment's externally are merely reflections of parts of ourselves that we are abandoning.

To move from the pain of separation and see it as an opportunity for growth & new beginnings as a phase of life ends - is seeing this dance from its higher perspective. Which is exactly what occurs, as we all know in life one door closes, another opens. But during that closing process - it is so important to learn & feel that pain of the door as it shuts tight, and reflect upon all those mirrors this relationship has shown us, all as an opportunity to come closer into loving all the parts of our selves.

Blessings to you all on your journeys,