How to Get Over an Ex...Mindfully & Lovingly!

My man Echkart Tolle said in his mighty fine book The Power of Now, that to heal any loss, heart ache, separation pain caused by break ups or loss - can be done within a matter of a few days - if we are truly completely 100% present with how we are feeling, embrace these feelings, and feel them within every single cell of our body. Once we have done this we can easily heal and let go of them.

Sounds easier said than done right? Too good to be true? No sista, it can be done!

So many of us inflict the pain of a past relationship break up for much longer than is required. We end up in a down ward spiral using the break up and the heart ache as an excuse for us not moving forward with our lives; getting trapped in vicious cycles of binge eating, self loathing; and generally being down in the dumps.

I know a girl who is still in so much pain from her break up 5 years ago. She still to this day reflects and reminisces on the relationship and what her life could be like today if they were still together, and what went wrong in the relationship, how she could have kept him if she did things differently.

Pain and suffering is addictive. Pain and suffering of loss of a loved one - is the deepest feeling of pain. In irony when we are in suffering, we feel safe - it is a place we can go to that feels comfortable and familiar and we can often use it as a safe excuse to prevent us from moving forward in our lives.

So what if we let go of the pain and suffering of a break up in a few simple methods? What would our life be like? You and I know the answer to this. We often have this idea around break ups as being this huge ordeal, and societal pressures makes us believe that we should be miserable for a long time. One societal idea I recently read was that we have to take half the time we were with the person to actually get over them - are you serious? What a waste of time and energy.

And no it doesn't mean we are heartless if we don't take the 'required' time to get over an ex lover. This is just another stereotype we are led to believe surrounding suffering. That we are supposed to be in this constant state of suffer and not worthy of happiness. Let this go sista! Right now!

Here are some tips on how to let go of a past lover & heal any karmic relations.

+ Meditate on the Ex :: Sit quietly in a place you are not disturbed, focus on your breathing & drop into a deep state of relaxation by bringing your awareness to your heart. Feel the heart beat and listen to your heart - what is it saying, how does it feel. Imagine you are in your favourite place in the world - it could be out in nature or in a beautiful decorated room. Invite your ex-lover into your space. Imagine he/she is sitting directly in front of you and visualize a chord between the two of you connecting your hearts. Give gratitude to the ties between your heart and see them as loving and positive, then slowly cut the chord and release your ex-lover. Set him/her free and set yourself free.

+ Seeing the relationship from a higher perspective :: We grow and learn the most from our personal relationships. So seeing the relationship from a higher more spiritual perspective is helpful. That this person has come into your life for a perfect divine reason according to your life's purpose / mission. It could be to teach you a lesson around opening your heart more, or learning forgiveness, or acceptance. Seeing the relationship from a higher perspective and realizing that whatever lessons were meant to be learnt from each other have just naturally come to an end - will slowly ease away any anxiety around dwelling on the past / future of "what could have been".

+ Being present :: I know from personal experience, when I have suffered from an ex or felt that sadness is always when I start reminiscing on all the good times we had together, and living in the past memories. We are taken away from THE PRESENT. When we are always living in the present, that is truly engaged in what we are doing 100% at any given time, we are clearly not living in a past memory. So when we are taken away from the present moment is always when suffering occurs.

+ Feel the pain, completely :: Post break up, take some time for yourself. Take as long as you need, it might be a couple of hours to a couple of weeks. If we really be with ourselves and FEEL exactly how we are feeling and be completely honest with these feelings, will ease the pain. By doing whatever is necessary, it may be crying on the floor sobbing like a baby for 4 hours straight or going and releasing some anger and frustrations in a safe method. Whatever it is, during quiet meditation - feel what your heart wants and what it needs to do to heal and go do that. Don't sweep the issues or pain under the rug, because it will always lie there dormant and unresolved.

+ Take responsibility :: This is a big one. The moment we take responsibility for our lives and stop using others influences on us as an excuse to not moving forward - the quicker we heal and get back in our power. It is all about your individual reaction, you have the choice at the end of the day to keep dwelling on someone in pain, or be happy and open hearted and allowing of all good new shiny things to flood into your life.

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