Energetic Muddling: Why couples shouldn't sleep in the same bed every night

When you hear of couples sleeping in separate bedrooms. There is often this underlying shame or worry 'Oh they mustn't be happy' or 'their sex life must be crappy'. Yeah for sure maybe this is the case. But if a couple are happy and not simply sleeping separate to avoid one another, but rather chose to sleep separately a couple of nights of the week, it is actually incredibly healthy & beneficial.

One of the major guiding principles of a Tantric Relationship for me personally, and as taught by one of my teachers was that you should not sleep in the same bed every night.

I couldn't agree more.

Being highly attuned to energy, I find it hard being around certain peoples energies, let alone sharing a bed with them.

Here are a few reasons why:

Time for individual processing

During our sleep space, we are dropping into the deep subconscious mind. And thus processing anything that hasn't been processed in the conscious awake state. If you mix that with someone elses process every single night, you are surely going to start taking on 'their' stuff. Which might not always be good for you, especially if you are the more energetically open one or an empath, in the relationship. When we are sexually engaging with another and in relationship we obviously are energetically merging, on multiple levels, so we are super in tune psychically with our partner ~ which is beautiful, but we need to maintain that separate space to reconnect to self.


When we sleep separately, or are apart in general for a time. We rebuild the polarity, the sexual charge towards one another. We also regain that feeling of 'missing' the other, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. By being merged in one anothers lives too much can be unhealthy. It is important to still maintain a sense of self outside of the relationship container.

Self Love Sessions

It is still important to maintain a sense of self love, in the art of self pleasure. If you are sleeping in the same bed every night, our own self pleasure practice can sometimes fall to the wayside. Having at least 1 night a week where you make love to yourself, can bring about incredible new depths to the relationship, sexually and generally.

Womens Business

When woman is bleeding, it is so crucial she has her own space for at least the first day of her cycle. Womans energy during the Menstrual (bleeding) phase is very inwards. You will notice your senses are heightened, you may not be able to be around loud noises or too many people. You may also feel quite physically weak, as a result of losing blood & any present body aches and pains. It is best to take this time to retreat. If you live a busy lifestyle, making Day 1 of bleeding a day for absolute solo rest/retreat time is absolutely necessary. To make the most of this inward energy, it is best to spend this phase processing emotions, meditating, getting a gentle massage, reflecting on the past month, resting, journaling, spending time alone and being in nature.

With this, I suggest not being around your partner during this time, in fact my partner cannot sleep next to me if we do happen to be together, because my dreams are so vivid, he cannot sleep as he is tuning into my dreams. And I actually don’t want him in my space, as it is a very internal time for me. This happens, consciously or unconsciously whether you are sensitive to energy or not – this is why some women get annoyed with their men during their bleeding time, because innately we know we need at least that first and second day of bleeding to retreat and go deep within ourselves. For day 1 of your bleeding, it is best your partner sleeps in a separate room. This is because you are even more hyper psychic and open energetically, you need that space in your dream time to process alone, and not get mixed up with his energy field and subconscious mind also.

Each to their own, but the way I see the new paradigm of relating, is breaking barriers and social norms of what we think we have to do. For years I knew there was something really strange about sleeping in the same bed with your partner for the rest of your life. It is just one of those things we 'think we have to do'. Everyone must figure out what works best for them individually and just live their lives walking to the beat of their own drum, in general! 

What about you do you sleep in the same bed every night? Does it affect you?

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