Relationships are such a gift from start, duration, to end, to after it ends towards our Sadhana (Spiritual Practice). It is where we actually begin to Live/Embody the Spiritual truths, vs Practice them.
I actually believe relationships are the greatest catalyst to transformation & growth for this reason. Relationships & their consequential separations are such a great gift into strengthening our Sadhana ~ our understanding of self as the divine embodied.
During the relationship we are constantly faced with the art of presence, how present can we be in every moment, not attaching to the future expectations of where this is going and not clinging to past relationships as a determination of the behaviour in this one. Can we fully just be present to love and work towards that in every moment of presence? Irregardless of if it 'works out' or not?
But I feel the greatest test of our presence & devotion to the path (our Sadhana) is once the relationship ends. Why? Because although we may believe our heart has broken, in actual fact our hearts are never 'broken' - it is the connection to the Divine/Universe in the way we are familiar that is broken away. It is the connection to and attachment to that familiar feeling of wholeness we experience when with a beloved and in love making that suddenly dissapears. Divinity has incarnated in human form through our experience of deep human love, we touch God/Goddess in our union. So of course, if we don't remember that this is not just confined to one person, but God is omnipresent , then of course we experience deep suffering through our 'separation'.
Once we are again 'single' we come to realise eventually, there is love & always will be love between two people, but there is also a love that is beyond that love.
They call it a 'separation' between two people, because that is what we experience in a sense. That feeling of UNION that the relationship container creates, the union of masculine and feminine - wholeness, DIVINITY is experienced. Love making takes us into realms of oneness with the other dissolution of self & ego ~ the divine is kissed, God is reached. To then suddenly be split, of course we feel a sense of separation.... we are 'single' again, we feel that sense of 'aloneness'.
Yet the irony is in that 'aloneness' is where the grace of becoming again 'all-one' eventually cultivates into our hearts, as we begin to open up to the universal flow of divine love again. The omnipresence of the divine in all its forms. Never concentrated and never not with you. Always in reach.
Here begins the journey back inside & up again. Here is the invitation back into your understanding and experience of the Divine as never separate but always one with you.
So how does this translate into the reality of a break up that can seem like the end of the world. Feelings of deep despair, longing, separation, can be so overwhelming to navigate. However I wish to share from my own recent experience some of the greatest gifts of my relationship ending & the journey it is taking me into a deeper space of self realisation.
Please note I am sharing this not for sympathy or attention, I simply wish to help others through what I have seemingly come out of, for we help others through our own experience & healing right! We are all in this together. I went to the depths of my own personal emotional suffering & trauma as a result of my most divine soul mate beloved and I parting ways. Some of my sharings don't fully do it justice, but merely I come here to share some insights on gifts & hopes for you if you happen to be amidst feelings of 'separation'.
EMOTIONAL PRESENCE & MATURITY
This is the time to bear witness to EVERY single emotion that arises. When we go through break up it can be a traumatic experience. For me my first month after it ended I was in complete trauma, my body was in flight mode, shaking constantly, I lost about 5kg in 2 weeks, I couldn't be touched by anyone or I would go into a traumatic emotional break down. Looking back my nervous system was so over stimulated from the sequence of emotional traumatic events that led to this break up, that all I could do was SLOW DOWN, be present & hold my what felt like at the time, frail broken self. When in relationship we get so used to relying upon the other to hold us in our upsets & bad days, that we often forget how to do this for ourselves. So this disconnect from that familiar pattern leaves our nervous system in shock. For we go from constant touch and affection and physical/emotional holding when sad or down, to NOTHING... It is SO important to reach out to friends & family you trust in this time, for support in this time, to give you safe loving touch. This is because the oxytocin (the happy chemical from touch that we all need) that was high when constantly being touched in relationship, has surely plummeted and with that we can fall into a downward depressive spin & reactivate deep traumas. Maintain loving non sexual physical touch from others, you fully trust. And this is the time to really sit with every single emotion that is arising for you, as the uncoupling process begins. You will go through the depths of grief, loss, sadness, anger, rage, all at once. This time is the time you are given the opportunity to do the REAL soul work... if you don't it will just fester inside and manifest in some emotional or physical dis-ease (like all suppressed emotions do) and get carried over to your next relationships... Projections will arise again & again, the cycle will never end.
So really take your time to fully feel everything that arises in the course of weeks / months / years that follow the break up... it can take a while to unravel. Never rush your healing. The gift is to allow every single emotion to arise & feel it, FULLY feel it, and LOVE it with so much compassion. It is good to work with someone (like me) to help nagivate your emotions, how to create safety & hold yourself & specific tools to move emotions through your body without attaching to their stories, but merely watching them breathing them feeling them releasing them, with compassion, safety & grace. Without sending you back into trauma, but moreso gently allowing what is present and soothing the nervous system.
Your soul is speaking to you in these seemingly chaotic emotions, it is shedding layers and layers, Karmas and traumas & conditioning, the more you feel fully the dark spaces that only seem to arise from the loss / grief / anger / depression that arises from a relationship ending. When we allow all this to be felt and actually dealt with, we allow for multitudes of light to pour in and out of our hearts. Do not be afraid of feeling. Trust me it has been a dark pit some moments I actually felt I wouldn't make it out of these physical traumatic episodes of grief and loss. But I'm still here. My darkness has showed me & anchored in me so much more of my light. So much more of my capacity for compassion for self & others.
From this gift, we begin to learn how to hold ourselves and build this inner resilience. From this we gain compassion for others, we can truly empathize with others hurts & truly be there for another in need, when they may need us.
SELF LOVE & RELATIONSHIP TO THE DIVINE
One of the greatest gifts after a break up is re-learning to love your self. As I mentioned when we become so familiar with the other loving us, we often abandon the self love. Same goes with self pleasure. If the other is pleasuring us, we forget to pleasure self. This is the fine line between losing our selves in the other, and merging as one, yet still maintaining our own individuality. I am still figuring this one out. I tend to lose myself completely in the wild depth of loves sacred union... and in this self abandon. So I learnt a lot about this, where I abandon myself for the sake of love. Where I will compromise / downplay my hopes & dreams & life path, to be with the man I love. Which is beautiful in its own devotional way, but also can result in a lot of resentment if coming from an unhealthy space. So there has to be a commitment first and foremost to self love & divine love. A realisation that this is not actually just about ME and what I want any more also. There is something greater at play, and these things don't often make logical sense. Devotion to the higher powers to the divine & self should always come first priority, and if the relationship is a container in which we can serve ourselves & others at its highest, then that is a healthy dynamic. Healthy loving compromises will arise, but if a huge core value system is being compromised, this just ends in resentment. It stems from deep lack of self love & low self worth. When this shadow arises, its time to delve deep into this one.... Not in an over analysis way. Just see that part of our selves, this scared little child that just wants to be loved and chosen, and we give that inner child inside of us the love, safety & devotion she/he deserves.
SHADOW STALKING & WILD LOVE
I feel most relationships are the catalyst for shadow work. That being highlighting all those parts of us that we are still not loving in our selves, by seeing in the other. This also goes for when the relationship ends. How is your ex beloved acting, maybe he/she is throwing fire balls of anger at you because they are so hurt, and you may judge this in them... this is again a chance to love that aspect of them as it surely is an aspect of you. The depths we go in sacred union, we are one... how can what another does who we have shared such deep intimacy with not reflect aspects of us. During break up we tend to experience the common themes can arise... of abandonment, rejection, anger/rage, worthlessness, insecurities, addictions, jealousy ... these 'not so lovely' traits of us are here ready to be reared & LOVED with compassion. This is shadow work. Loving all those parts of us that we may judge in ourselves & consequently in others. This is where true self love arises, when we can begin to love all aspects of self, not just the pretty qualities. This is such a gift, for these aspects may remain hidden if it were not for the catalyst of the depth of love we experience that highlights all these parts of self that need some TLC.
GRATITUDE & SURRENDER
Straight after a break up is not the time to go into spiritual by pass and be all... 'oh I am all grateful for the time & lessons learnt' - maybe you do feel this and that is great, but usually there is going to be some emotions involved... whether it is sadness / anger / resentment / grief. We must acknowledge & fully go into these as they arise before we can come into our Gratitude & Surrender.
As always, once we purge through the mud, we soon see the lotus. We begin to see the lessons & gifts this beloved soul has gifted us in our souls path, through their loving presence in our life. When we come to this place, we feel peace.
We share gratitude for this experience for all it has taught us and reflected back to us on our souls journey. We surrender to the divine flow of love, & trust in that always. Love is not concentrated to just that one person, it is everywhere. We mustn't get confused & disillusioned by this. Surrender to the power higher than your logical mind, that you are here merely to embody love & be love. And all these 'separations' are pointing you back into wholeness - oneness sustainable not dependent upon any external circumstance. Here is your gift.
Sometimes these experiences can be difficult to navigate on our own. And as a result of myself going through this collective experience of 'separation' I have all of a sudden had an influx of new clients who have gone through recent experiences and are seeking a neutral other who has compassion to support them navigate. So if you are in this experience and are seeking some support, I am here for guidance with my 1:1 embodiment sessions or 1:1 Expression Sessions.